Tag Archives: Life

This Scares Me

My 2012 is beginning… Now. I was too tired from night shiftin’ to make resolutions on the 1st. So here it goes, the few resolutions I’ve made for myself to ring in the New Year!

Get My Bootay Back to Bikram!
I miss practicing yoga more than anything! It’s been a few months, and I’m craving the regular sweat seshs. I need to make time in my life for this. I feel my absolute healthiest when I’m regularly in the hot room!

Camel, I’m coming back for you!

Go Gail Vaz Oxlade with My Finances
I’m awfully dependent on my debit card. I need to break this habit and get used to taking out set amounts of cash each month and spending from that. Hopefully this will also help control “mindless” spending, which happens when I use my debit card to purchase something, and then when I’m going over my accounts at the end of the week, I’m looking at the purchase wondering “when did I buy that?” Ya, not good!

My other finance-related goal is to not accumulate any debt while going to school. Thankfully I have been saving up for awhile, but pursuing studies means I still have to stick to a budget!

Take a Vacation!
I haven’t taken time off to do anything fun in over a year. Sometime in the second half of this year I want to do a little traveling. I’m undecided where, but it definitely won’t be Vegas! Am I the only twenty-something who has zero interest in going to Vegas?! Probably…

Run a Marathon
I haven’t written about my half-marathon experience because it sucked. It was the worst run I’ve ever done for two reasons.

First off, I had begun experiencing pain in my ankle about a week or two before the race. I was like, ahhh hell no! I’m running this race. Eff off! But it didn’t. And so I’ve been out of the running game, dealing with a very swollen ankle and foot.

It’s kind of got in the way of running for the past six weeks, big time!

Secondly, my bowels started bugging me the night before my run. Stomach aches are pretty normal for me unfortunately. Thank-you gluten intolerance and IBS! But when I woke-up the next morning with what I like to refer to as “gut rot,” I knew this wasn’t just a tummy ache that was going to go away. At one point I had to spend nearly 7 minutes in the outhouse during the race. Yaaaaaaaaaaa, TMI?! Sorry…

So I didn’t exactly cross the finish line with the time I was aiming for or the euphoric feeling I was hoping to experience. I crossed the finish line completely concerned with where the closest washroom was and how quickly I could get there. Regardless, my “crappy” experience made me realize (a) I want to give racing another go, but (b) I need to train smarter the next time around.

I’m excited to get “back on my feet” and train smart VERY, VERY SOON.

Vancouver, I’m talking ’bout you!

Be Open to New Relationships
This doesn’t necessarily mean romantic relationships, although I want to be open to the prospect of *maybe* meeting someone. I don’t know if this is the year for it, but if it comes my way, I won’t complain!

This is more about being open to new friendships. In the past year, I’ve been pretty selective who I let in my life, probably as a protective mechanism. I’m at a point now where I’m ready to open myself. Meeting new people is exciting, especially when I realize how many kick ass peeps are out there! Let’s make friends!!

Do Anything and Everything That Scares Me
Somersaults (I’m irrationally scared of snapping my neck doing one). Bungee jumping. Swimming in the ocean. Trying out CrossFit. If it scares me, I’m doing it!

~~~

So, that’s it for 2012! My resolutions are pretty simple (I think), but they are important things I want to see happen in the next year. They’re also things that are going to take me outside my comfort zone!

Question
Do you have any resolutions that you find “scary” or that will push you out of your comfort zone?

A Year in Review – 2011

Hey all! Hope everyone had a wonderful holidays and New Years! I’ve been M.I.A. from the blog world for the past two weeks, as you may have noticed. I have been keeping up with everyone’s blogs, but obviously not commenting as much. I’ve had lots of new and exciting things come into my life this month. Things have been busy, but I’m so ready for the changes that are brewin’!

Generally I’m not a huge fan of the “Year in Review” blog posts, because I’ve probably been following your blog for the past year, and already know what you’ve been up to! (Hey, just sayin’…) But after reading through a couple review posts, I realized how awesome it will be a year from now to compare my 2011 to my 2012. So for purely selfish reasons (and because I haven’t been blogging since the beginning of the year, so you probably don’t know what I’ve been up to) here is my 2011 in review.

It hasn’t been the greatest year for me. I went through a loss, a layoff, and a lot of job unhappiness. But there were some positives and definitely a lot of lessons learned!

~~~

January
– After a terrible snowboarding accident, and what seemed like a successful recovery, my family loses my uncle to a pulmonary embolism. It is the first time I truly see my dad devastated. I spent a lot of the past year (2010) wondering what was the reason I had ended up back home when I hadn’t planned on moving to my hometown after graduating nursing school. I realize that maybe I was meant to be close to home when this happened so I could be around to support my family.
– To deal with my own grieving and the increasing stress at my job, I start practicing hot yoga every single day.

February
– Lots and lots of work stress. There is talk going around the office about an impending layoff. We are all waiting with bated breath.
– I am one month into my everyday yoga practice. I swear this was the only thing keeping me sane at the time…

March
– The rumors are true. We receive one month’s layoff notice at work, with potential for a layoff extension. Wonderful.
– I complete a 60-day hot yoga challenge. I am exhausted, but in great shape!
– I make a quick trip back to Kamloops to visit some friends.
– I run my first trail race, and end up falling into a cactus. I finish the run with spines sticking out of me! Then, a day later, I experience an allergic reaction where the spines punctured me (mostly on my arm).
– On the last day of the month (and the day our layoff notice gets extended by three months), I decide to walk away from my position. I am devastated, but know I can’t continue working in a toxic workplace.

April
– I don’t work for most of the month, but I quickly get hired at a new workplace in a similar position to my last job.
– I run the Vancouver Sun Run 10K. Unfortunately, my Kamloops ex beats me by a couple minutes. Friendly competition.
– I turn 24, and celebrate at Chippendales. Yup, classy 24th…
– I travel to Vancouver Island with two of my university professors to do a presentation to nursing faculty from all over BC and up north. Exciting stuff!
– I buy my first brand new vehicle!
– I make the decision to not proceed with starting graduate school (Masters) this year, and instead pursue my dreams of Medicine/Dentistry.

May
– I start my new job.

June
– I move into a brand spankin’ new apartment.
– My friend and I spontaneously go to a Rihanna concert, and have the best time rockin’ out to RiRi!

July
– I fulfill one of my life’s dreams of seeing Britney Spears (and Nicki Minaj) live in concert… Don’t judge. I was emotional and ecstatic. It was an awesome night!


– I reunite with some friends from nursing school at my old roommate’s wedding in the city.
– I go on a whole slew of very interesting dates. They all made for some very interesting stories, and made me realize I’m in no rush for a relationship at this point in my life. 
– My brother moves in with me.

August
– I head out to good old Nelson, B.C. to see my little cousin get married! The best part of the trip is getting to road trip with my mom and realizing that we are finally starting to develop a friendship.

September
– I start my Chemistry course.
– I go to the hot mess of a Ke$ha and LMFAO concert. That’ll be my first and last time attending one of their shows… Sorry that I’m not sorry!
– I get “officially” accepted into university, to start full-time studies again in the Winter 2012 semester. Here we go again!
– I get hit with tonsillitis, but recover very quickly (as I always do).

October
– My brother gets a position up north and moves out. I’m on my own again!
– I attend an out-of-town work conference and come to a few disturbing realities about my job while there. I leave pretty devastated, but knowing I have very legitimate reasons to make a change so I can be happier and healthier in my working life.
– Run a 5K race with my best friend!
– I make the decision to give my notice at my apartment for the end of November to move in with a couple friends. I make this decision so I can (a) save money and afford school, and (b) so I can work towards a job change.

November
– I run my first half-marathon… While injured. However, I’m not acknowledging my injury at the time because I’m so determined to run this race. Not really smart, but I finish!
– I run another 10K and set a PR… Ya! While injured.

December
– I move into my new place, and am adjusting (to a lot less space).
– I am now dealing with a severely injured foot and ankle. I start intensive physiotherapy.
– I celebrate my one year vegi-versary! I’ve actually been a vegetarian for longer, I just never stuck with it as seriously as I did this time. I’m so happy being veggie and plan to never turn back!
– I get hired for not one, but two new positions – one RN position, and a care director position. Whoohoo! Things are a-changing!
– I spend Christmas with my family, minus my brother who is stuck working up north. We celebrate Christmas over webcam.
– I get hit with gastroenteritis thanks to new job.

~~~

Reflecting on the past two years, I realize that I have gone through a lot of hurt and loss. In 2010, I had some of the most significant relationships of my life breakdown. I also went through the loss of finishing nursing school, moving out of a city I’d lived in for the past 4 years, and leaving friendships behind. In 2011, I went through losses with my family and my job. I processed through many feelings of anger, betrayal, broken heartedness, sadness, and depression. But through it all, I’ve come to realize that as humans, we all go through pain. Going through my own painful times has made me more compassionate towards others. I want the theme of this year ahead to be “peace and kindness.” Inner peace with who I am and what I’ve gone through, and moving forward without any ties to the hurt and pain of the past couple years. And in regards to kindness, I just want to treat others kindly. Not that I don’t, because I like to think I’m generally a good hearted person, but in stressful moments or moments where I’ve been hurting, I’ve sometimes been too self absorbed to be there for others. One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is to act kindly towards them. People remember kindness. 

Also, keeping on the theme of kindness, I have decided to stop eating fish. Fish is the only animal flesh I have continued to consume, and I’ve decided (for many David Suzuki reasons) that I want to omit it from my diet now. It’s a personal choice for me, and I have nothing to say to any fishy eaters out there other than *pretty please* do your research around sustainable seafood! Let’s make sure we keep our friends in the ocean around for a long time.

One of my own fish friends.

I’m ready for 2012. I feel like this year and the next couple years have the potential to be some of the best years of my life. I’m moving forward without fear in the direction of my dreams. Life is good.

New Roommates

After a weekend full of moving and cleaning, I’m so relieved to finally be out of my old place and into my new home! Even if I still have a ton of unpacking to do.

I moved from my pet-less apartment, to a townhouse with two of my good friends and their two little dogs.

I’ll admit, I’ve never really been a fan of dogs. In fact, dogs have always kind of scared me, thanks to my dad who put the fear in me that any dog could potentially bite me and give me rabies. But over the last couple years, I’ve been warming up to them, to the point where I actually like them now. But you can imagine, I definitely never would’ve ever thought I’d find myself living with dogs.

But these guys are pretty funny…

Tien

Koni cuddles!

I grew up with cats all my life, so it’s a huge adjustment living with animals that actually want to cuddle up to you.

And who are actually excited to see you when you walk through the door.

But I think I could get used to it. 🙂

Just don’t tell this guy…

November Goals – It’s Gonna Be OK

I swear I had more than three goals for this month, but somewhere amidst the chaos of the last nine days, I forgot what they were exactly…

And perhaps I should take it easy on myself this month, rather than expect greatness. I have to move out of an apartment I really, really like at the end of the month because it doesn’t make sense space-wise or financially to stay.

And I’m really struggling with my career. As much as I want to love what I do, I don’t.

I hate knowing I’m burdening my family and my friends with my distress over my job. I know my friends don’t always love their jobs either, but I certainly complain a lot more than all of them combined.

It did hit me the other day that I haven’t had a vacation in over a year. Perhaps not having had anytime to escape from work has not helped matters.

On that train of thought of escapism, I came up with this idea to move away. However; I quickly realized that moving is not necessarily the solution to dealing with my struggles right now. Going through a health scare with my dad really solidified that for me. Escaping is not the answer. If life takes me to another place, than great. But I need to know I’m moving to a new place for the right reasons, like a great new job (or a wealthy sugar daddy). I don’t want to move and have to struggle to find a job, friends, and a place to live in a brand new city all at once. So, I’m staying put where I am for now and just switching homes.

I know I’m going through some weird, mid-20’s crisis. I know it’s not the end of the world. I know I will come out of this and be a stronger, wiser, happier version of myself. For now, I feel that I need to step back and accept less. I need to focus on getting through this rough patch, and “downsizing” my life. Less is more. Focus on the little things that make me feel happy and fulfilled (i.e. eating healthy, running, saving money, soaking up the outdoors), and give up the things that leave me feeling empty inside (i.e. big condo to myself, spending my money on whatever my heart desires, eating to fill a “void” in my life).

In the end, everything will be OK. Right?

~~~

Three Goals for November:

(1) Stop being late! Start being on time to things. (Yes work, I’m talking at you…)

(2) Declutter. Get rid of some of my sh*t. (P.O.S. WalMart bookshelf, I’m talking about you…)

(3) Start food journaling again. (Mindless eating habits, I’m talking about you…)

~~~

Question: Have you ever gone through a “life crisis?” How did you snap out of it?

Change is Scary

I’m terrified.

All this longing so badly for change. A new job, a new place, a new career direction. Well, it’s all starting to unfold. Job interviews are being lined up, a new place is in mind, and I’m steadily heading towards changing my career (which will ultimately take years, but it’s a step in that direction).

And all of a sudden, I feel as though everything is moving too fast. The change I’ve been longing for is right there in front of me. I just have to reach for it. Yet I feel so hesitant.

Change means a lot of things. It means I have to give up my little home. It means I have to alter my source of income. It means I may have to start anew somewhere without my friends and family close by to support me.

Is it natural to be so full of doubt? To feel scared to move forward? Is there something inside me trying to reign me back for a reason, or is just hesitation because getting the life I want and deserve means leaving behind the life I am comfortable with?

PB Cup Balls & Life Changes

Last night I got mad cravings for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, which I always associate with this time of year (i.e. around Halloween).

I contemplated running the whole 150 metres to the grocery store to grab some. But my guilty conscious pulled me back. Oooooooh right, I’m not supposed to be spending money on putting CRAP into my body!

Sugar and multiple syllable things made in a lab? I’ll pass.

I also really didn’t feel like spending the night with a massive lactose-induced tummy ache.

So I broke out the food processor and whipped up my own substitute.

This one is out of the park good!

PB Cup Balls

Gluten- and dairy-free. Pretty sure this is what a PB cup would taste like if you smashed it and rolled it into a tasty little ball.

1/2 cup of peanut butter
5 tbsp pure maple syrup
3 heaping tbsp coconut flour
1/4 cup of cocoa nibs (or dairy-free chocolate chips)

Put the first three ingredients together in a mini food processor. Grind until consistency is smooth and dough-like. Add in cocoa nibs. Chop until chips are small chunks.

Scoop out dough with a spoon and shape into small balls with hands. Makes 6-8 small balls. Place on plate and freeze for 1/2 hour. Serve.

Friggin’ yum!

~~~

I’m in the midst of contemplating a big, big life change. It’s been on my brain for awhile because I’m just not happy where I am right now. I’ve been really unhappy in my career for sometime, which I decided to deal with by going back to school. I’m also unhappy living where I live. With my brother moving up to Dawson Creek, a town up north, it really got me thinking if maybe I just need a huge change of scenery.

We shall see. Moving wouldn’t be cheap. I also know that if I moved it would make it a whole lot easier to pursue the career I ultimately want to do. That makes me think that I should really just do it. And do it now while I have the chance.

It also means going somewhere I don’t know anyone, that’s really far away from my family, and having to completely start fresh. But I did that a couple years ago when I moved up north, and it was the best experience of my life.

What do you think… Is the financial cost worth completely changing my life and starting fresh in a new place? Anyone else been in my position before?

It does mean I can’t buy this:

Boo. 😦

One Week

Last night, I was flipping through the movie choices on Netflix, and came across the Canadian-made movie “One Week.” The movie centers around a young man who finds out he has terminal cancer and that his days are numbered. This prompts him to purchase a motorcycle and drive across Canada to buy himself time before starting cancer treatment and “becoming a patient.”

Source

This movie got me thinking about my own life and how I live. It really made me think how I spend almost everyday of the week waiting for it to be 4:00PM on Friday. Living for the weekend. Everything I want to do, like go for that hike, or venture out of town to spend an evening drinking Starbucks and reading books in a big comfy chair at Chapters, I put off doing during the work week.

I don’t have enough time.

I have to work tomorrow.

I need to get to bed at a decent hour (which rarely, if ever, actually happens).

I don’t live during the week. I merely go through the motions, all the while anticipating the arrival of Friday evening when I can actually begin living for two days.

So what exactly would I do if my days were numbered?

I sure as heck wouldn’t be laying on the couch, flipping through Netflix options, no matter what day of the week it is!

I would get up early enough to watch the sunrise.

I would throw my iPhone from the top of my apartment building and watch it shatter, all the while rejoicing in never having to answer another e-mail or text message. Ever. Again.

I would sit on the patio of a little coffee shop for hours with a warm mug of coffee cupped between my hands, and a pile of magazines sprawled out on the table.

I would write you a 2-page letter and finally tell you that I love you and adore everything about you. Your grey hairs. Your goofy sense of humour. Even the fact that you have absolutely no fashion sense what-so-ever. I find it all endearing.

I would stop worrying about the mileage on my truck, or how quickly I’m getting to my destination, and just drive.

I would set out in an ocean kayak and take in the smell of the sea and the surroundings. I would kayak until my arms feel like two rubber poles that can no longer go.

I would hike with my best friends and stop frequently to take pictures. No timing how quickly we make it to the top and back down.

I would sink my hands and feet into sand while looking out on a pristine body of water.

I would sit down with my parents and enjoy a glass of wine and ask them both a gazillion questions about their lives.

I would sit out on my deck surrounded by candlelight and watch the sunset.

I would kiss and let the butterflies take over.

What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live?